I’m not sharing this story to try and convert or convince anyone – I am just telling what happened to me as a frame of reference or as some say “to explain where I’m coming from”.

I was born in a Christian environment – raised in church.  I believed what was taught to me, I had little reason not too (except for the Santa Claus fiasco, my parents were pretty honest). 

The first time that I actually read any part of the bible for myself,  I was twelve.  Up until then, it was just spoon fed to me at Sunday school.  It was a rainy weekend and I was bored.  My mom had this new bible called “Good News for Modern Man”.  It was a new translation, not like the King James and it had little stick-man drawings for illustrations.  I read the four gospels and the book of Acts that weekend.  I had heard most of this stuff in church but reading it was different.  Jesus was now my hero.  My favorite thing about Jesus was the way that he talked to the authority figures of his day.  I was in Jr Hi at the time, I loved it when he told them off.

At my Jr. Hi several kids and one teacher met for prayer during the lunch hour.  I took part in that group and I saw myself as a strong Christian.   When we took vocational aptitude tests, I scored high for social work and religious work.  At that time I thought that someday I might be a pastor.  But I had this idea that pastors were “better  than average” Christians and I didn’t think that I qualified.

When I got into high school and experienced the sort of hormone surges that boys have at that age, I became obsessed with sex.  I wasn’t getting any – that just made me more obsessed, I suppose.  My preoccupation with the opposite sex caused my thoughts about Christ to wane a bit.  I knew that the bible taught against lust, so since I saw myself as a violator of God’s commands I shied away from Him.

Then I went to college.  Two interesting things happened at about the same time.  1) I was getting information in class that contradicted what I had been taught in church. 2) Given the proper amounts of alcohol, there were now members of the opposite sex that were “willing accomplices”.

So there I was with a rapidly developing “intellectual problem” with traditional Christianity and STRONG desire be free from the restriction of waiting until marriage for sex.  You know, come think of it my “intellectual problem” was awfully convenient – I really never was that intellectual to begin with.

So began a seven year period of wandering in the desert.  I didn’t become an atheist because I could never buy the idea that the universe, the earth, life, etc.. all happened by itself.  And I could not forget Jesus – His words from the gospels rang in my ears all the time.  But I began to at least entertain the idea that traditional or orthodox Christianity was perhaps a big mix up.  Maybe it was part truth and part legend.  Or perhaps Jesus really had some deeper truths that he did not reveal because he had to “dumb it down” for the masses.  So I decided to make up my own religion.

The initial feeling was one of euphoria! I was FREE and able to do as I pleased now.  My new rule was that I could do whatever pleased me as long as I did not hurt others (my hedonistic version of the golden rule).  I soon discovered that while following after my own desires, I often hurt others, but unintentionally.  I needed to revise my religion.  I added the first amendment - I could do whatever pleased me as long as I did not hurt others intentionally.  It wasn’t long before I violated that rule too.

So I resolved my dilemma by dabbling in more fantastic ideas such as reincarnation, parallel universes etc…  I never really bought into new age religions, I just explored them long enough to distract myself from my moral crisis.  And it worked pretty well, I’m pretty good at distracting myself – some people call it denial.

Fast forward seven years.  A lot has happened.  I was married and after two years of marriage we got an “instant family”.  My wife’s younger siblings (five of them) lost their parents and we became their guardians.  The kids wanted to go to church, so I took them to the only place I knew – the church where I grew up.  My family and my old Sunday school teachers were all still there, it was very comfortable.  I just figured that I would go to be a good example for the kids – kids need a little religion, right?

A funny thing happened – no I was not instantly converted.  I sat there every Sunday and listened to the sermons.  They weren’t great but they always included readings from the bible.  In my seven year hiatus I had never looked at a bible, but I thought because of my early training that I was very “well versed”.  So here was the funny thing… I had begun to imagine that the bible said things that it didn’t say.  During that time when I was “livin’ la vida loca” I had re-shaped passages from the bible to match my own ideas.  Weird huh?

So now I was hearing the bible read at least a few minutes every week and my made up religion now seemed pretty silly to me (before this I thought that my invented religion was compatible with the bible).  At this church the bar was pretty low when it came to “membership”.  I was already a member because I had been baptized in that church but now as an able bodied young man that was there every week with a family, they wasted no time in asking me to serve as a deacon.  Since I had a tendency to try and organize things and control people, soon after that I was elected as chairman of the deacons. 

I’m also a musician and about this time I was becoming very interested in Christian music.  This was 1982 and contemporary Christian music all sounded a lot like what we used to call “soft rock” and I liked soft rock so Christian music seemed wonderful to me.  My daughter had met a Christian lady that often let her borrow albums and tapes by Larry Norman and Keith Green.  These guys were not played as much on the Christian radio station that I listened to and their music was more challenging (the lyrics challenged the status quo in the Christian world at that time).  I became intrigued by them. 

I heard that Keith Green was doing a concert at the Long Beach Arena, so I made plans to go.  I really thought that I was going to experience some great music that night I had no idea what was really in store for me.  What I did not know was that a Keith Green “concert” of consisted of more preaching than playing.  He sat down at the grand piano and as usual he played and sang his heart out but then he also preached his heart out.  No one had ever explained it like this before.  Jesus was not just the guy in the book, he was real!  Watching and listening to Keith, there was no doubt in my mind – this guy could not be making this stuff up.  The Jesus that I saw on those pages when I was twelve was a real living person that I could know.  Keith quoted Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and you will find me when you seek with all of your heart”.  That was it!  I had never done that.  I had been taught things about God and I had sought knowledge about Him but I had never pursued Him with all of my heart.

I stood their while Keith sang “Hear the bells ringing, their singing that you can be born again!”  And I was.  I don’t know if I was actually born again before that (when I was twelve) and now I was being born again again or if this was the first time – it didn’t matter.   Tears ran down my face for no apparent reason and everything in the room seemed to be glowing.  I thought I saw a bright white halo around Keith’s head – I know that sounds weird.  It could have just been the stage lights combined with the tears in my eyes.

In regards to my beliefs about salvation and when it occurs, I can’t really say what happened.  I don’t know if I was “saved” when I was twelve or not – I think I was.  But what really matters to me is that I am now.  If I had died during my “hiatus” would I be in heaven?  Well, I didn’t die, so the question isn’t too important to me.

What happened after that?  I began that wholehearted pursuit of God and as promised, He let me find Him and it’s continuous, I am still finding more of Him all the time.  In the process, all hell broke loose.  My marriage broke up and I went through some financial lessons.  Basically I had some “reaping” to do but God was merciful, I deserved much worse.

I eventually remarried and have enjoyed 22 years now with a woman that shares my love for God.  In fact she is the same lady that used to loan the Keith Green tapes to my Daughter.

Before I heard Keith that night, most Christians that I knew had described a relationship with Jesus this way.  “I pray to Him and He hears me.  I ‘hear’ him by reading the bible”. 

I had heard a few other people talk about having a real relationship with Jesus where there was real two-way communication, but I always thought that those people seemed phony.  That was what got me – Keith was real – just a normal guy that really knew Jesus on a personal level.  And it made me think that I could have that too – and it turns out that I can and do.  Since that time, I have truly "expereinced" God.  Some people might refer to this as "mystical christianity". 

Thanks for reading,

4Praise